Hey who likes to read?

First of all, who knew THIS could happen?




Second, do you know what freaks me out? Falling asleep. It's kind of scary - your body shutting off for an undetermined amount of time? The scariest part is right Right before you pass out - I always get stressed out and wake myself up. Also - I always try to

remember how I woke up - was I in the same place as when I fell asleep? and I never remember - that's crazy! So my cure is to stay up really late (usually after 1:30AM) so when I do sleep its quick and painless b/c i'm so exhausted.



Third, why do I feel like I need to apologize for liking Kasabian? If I was a fan of mid-90s britpop wouldn't my logical next step for the 21st c. be someone like them? Who cares that those boys slag people off and are pretty to look at (wait - I think I do) I like their music.

Remember when I saw Ian Brown live and after every song he'd clap really hard over his head for himself? Every time he did that I thought the set was over - seriously, he tricked me like 5 times. Kasabian live remind me of that show.



Fourth, you know what REALLY freaks me out? Forget falling asleep - TIME. Time freaks me out. I have to not think about it or it hurts my

fragile brain. So, it's part of the measuring system - OK it starts off normal enough but then you think - it measures something that you can never take back. I'm thinking more along the line of Newton (it's a dimension. wait, what?!) more than Kant (what do you know, Kant? don't try to place limits on my reason and don't patronize my belief in the Afterlife). Let's not get into it - it's like Alvy Singer realizing the universe is expanding - what business is that of mine? None, right? Right?

Whatever - work had dried mango in the caf so I'm happy no matter what.

Hey guys, I'm passionate about this girl...

...What?! i am
this is my Persian Princess, Bek.
OK she doesn't really look like this
but she IS hilarious like this




She really looks like this:

This is her in China
She's always going to China - she loves to go to China.
Hey Bek, what are you doing today?
Oh, just going to China

Huh, ever thought of inviting Me sometime?
Never mind. I don't want to go - I'd probably get communist fever or something.


You know, I have a lot of Persian friends and they're all beautiful - I mean funny - I mean kind. OK, fine - I'm really superficial when it comes to choosing my friends (think about it - you're all good looking). But what I really want is to celebrate Sizdah (oh man! I'm 6 weeks too late) - who doesn't want a holiday where you spent time in a natural environment and "jaunt till night". Just tell me when I start getting offensive. . .

OK guys, I have a question:

Remember when I ran a 10 (yeah that's right TEN!) K sans training?
Well do you think I could repeat that again this year?
Only this time it'd be on a bike
For 42
Miles
. . . ?

Then I'll go wrestle this guy:


(just don't call it a resolution)

When I was an intern in Boston I had one friend (little Monkey)


But little Monkey had to go set track records at Harvard sometimes so I did spend a lot of time alone.

For Easter my family flew out to visit:

That's right, Plymouth, MA to see the Pilgrim village.

Turns out the village was closed in the Winter but the Pilgrim Museum was open.
When I heard there were wax figures in the museum telling the story of how we stole America (don't get all excited, I'm not getting into that) I refused to go in. You all know how I feel about these guys:


But my dad bribed me with a bet. If I took the wax figure tour and read the plaques which coincide with each scene and answered one question about it correctly, he'd fly out one friend to visit me for a weekend. And me being so lonely, I agreed. But our dad once tricked Ash and I to watch this

on an airplane because HE wanted to watch it but was too embarrassed to watch it alone. He told us he would give us EACH 1 C-Note if we watched it all the way through and answered ONE simple question about the film. So we eagerly watch a dog movie thinking we're so smart and then the one question was: which national park was that stupid movie filmed in... We didn't watch the credits! Blah! Turns out it was Glacier National Park and I'll NEVER forget/ forgive it.

Remembering this painful story I took the wax figure tour very seriously.

Which became painful for obvious reasons.

I even started counting how many figures were in each scene in case it was a trick question.

Did you know those lame pilgrims brought cats over from England? One was a kitten and it made it all the way to stupid America.
Guess the cat's name?
Oh, that's OK, I didn't know it either but that was the question.
Who names a kitten 'Barnacle?'

In order to cheer me up, when we were in the Pilgrim museum gift shop my dad offered to buy me a replica of 'Barnacle.' I said OK only if he bought me a Pilgrim hat. Then he said he would only if I wore it that day. I think to his horror I DID wear it all day (and to this day on every Thanksgiving)

-- and someone even thought I was Amish.

After that my dad would bring an occasional present for Barnacle - like a cat bed or mouse toy. When my friend Shell met Barnacle she would pet him while she watched TV. Argh!

In the end, though that cat isn't so bad and I take him to every apartment I'm in.
And that's the story with my fake cat that looks stuffed.

Hey who wants to be political . . .

I think if people insist on choosing sides over having unwanted babies or killing babies we should label them as:
Pro-Abortion and Anti-Choice.

And if you do take one side do people wear T-shirts with their chosen slogan?
Or is that just in movies?
Cause wouldn't it be funny if someone wore a shirt that said: I'm Pro-terminating your pregnancy!
Or: I want to take away your agency!

As you can see, I've clearly been thinking a lot about "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."

I've already picked out a family in New Mexico who I'd give MY unwanted baby to.


P.S. Mich just suggested you call it Anti-Life or Anti-Choice

Hey guys, Di and I made a commercial

Our Coffee. . .


You'll feel relaxed from the sip


Because we use so little caffeine


In fact we use negative caffeine


Ha! Goodnight

I'm just sayin'

Leslie Hall is my new Valentine:

She made all of our dreams come true and she was nicer than peach pie! (And just look at Michelle's radiant face).


And maybe these guys:

They're called The Beatards - they also make dreams come true.



And I'm not one to endorse people but when stuff like this happens:


AND



I can't help but give you their contact info so you can get to know them - I mean I HAVE to give you their info, I'm morally obligated - otherwise I'd be so selfish.

You're the best . . .

So there's this thing called TiVo and I'm just starting to get acquainted / learn how to use it and good thing because I saw that my all-time favorite movie was going to be on:


And I'd say for the last 4 years I've been mildly obsessed with the line, "Put 'im in a body bag Johnny!" And now thanks to TiVo I can re-live that moment over and over. And since I haven't seen that film in oh, maybe 18 years, I assumed that line took place during THIS scene:


But I was wrong! I was starting to think that maybe I made that line up... but it was finally in the last scene, in the background (you could barely understand it) someone yells, "Put him in a body bag!"
Man! My dreams were dashed!
It wasn't as good as I thought . . . but is it ever?

That's OK, you know I just wanted to watch the scene where the greatest song ever written is juxtaposed with karate mastery.

Unfortunately once you've seen this scene, the original doesn't compare:

No YOU're the best around

Guess what hobby I picked up. . .

Except this isn't me.
No WAY did I look this good.
But i DID do it - twice.
This is my 'special new friend' (you've seen Spinal Tap, right?) Michelle.
She's my friend who embodies everything a girl/ lady should be. Like, she likes monster ballads and ballet and basketball and eggs Benedict. I'm going to be taking lessons from her this year.

Hey, who wants to live in the past/ present AND future?

My older sister and mom are going to be mad but I decided the photo of me as Jerri Blank wasn't ugly enough so I put another photo in. But I don't know how to put links in so you're all saved.

But let's talk about important stuff.
LIke when is this lady going to have her baby?

Yes that IS Goonie rock behind her.

I didn't tell you about that trip?

It was summer but we still had to dress like this:

I swear I don't plan these photos -- and now I wish I COULD hook you up with links - like the Mormon Boy on Sunday and the NY Winter Coats. . . I just get these photos and they are randomly lined up to create impromptu scales.


But this is what we did:


Di and I stole a sand castle from some kids.


I got a manly boyfriend


Di did her best Karate Kid impression. I've seen better (from her - not in general!)

OK,

I have no memory of this and don't know how it happened. I could say knowing Us this should be impossible, but at the same I could say, knowing Us, of COURSE this happened. Actually I don't even know who these belong to.

Alright Smarty Pants. . .

Why don't you tell me what Scrabble approved word you'd use with This hand? I hate it when chance and a random assortment of letters beats me!

Hey who wants hot dogs?

Remember when I came home the other night really late and as I let myself in the building I thought, "I'm hungry . . . but I just ate . . . oh well."
Well it turns out the building next store which stores all the food carts in New York was on fire.

No, it's true!
Look:



OK, you still don't believe me, but here's a photo of NY's Finest next to our doorway!




So THAT explains my sporadic hunger - I was smelling delicious burning hot dogs!

And how did we eventually find all this out? Well, smoke was seeping into our apartment from the hallway and my roommates went out to see if we were going to die while I waited on the couch -- hey, it was cold outside.

Mmm, we're bland

Actually, what we are observing in this photo is a scale - and a stunning bar graph - of the degrees of toughness in the New York winter. We start with Di, who is obviously a wuss and move up to Stephen who incontestably has no feeling in his extremities. I'd say that the ideal scenario involves the third example from the left - who is an awesome genius and displays the perfect amount of fortitude.

Don't you think. . .

When it gets to this point it's just too late to save a building?