Alright Smarty Pants. . .

Why don't you tell me what Scrabble approved word you'd use with This hand? I hate it when chance and a random assortment of letters beats me!

Hey who wants hot dogs?

Remember when I came home the other night really late and as I let myself in the building I thought, "I'm hungry . . . but I just ate . . . oh well."
Well it turns out the building next store which stores all the food carts in New York was on fire.

No, it's true!
Look:



OK, you still don't believe me, but here's a photo of NY's Finest next to our doorway!




So THAT explains my sporadic hunger - I was smelling delicious burning hot dogs!

And how did we eventually find all this out? Well, smoke was seeping into our apartment from the hallway and my roommates went out to see if we were going to die while I waited on the couch -- hey, it was cold outside.

Mmm, we're bland

Actually, what we are observing in this photo is a scale - and a stunning bar graph - of the degrees of toughness in the New York winter. We start with Di, who is obviously a wuss and move up to Stephen who incontestably has no feeling in his extremities. I'd say that the ideal scenario involves the third example from the left - who is an awesome genius and displays the perfect amount of fortitude.

Don't you think. . .

When it gets to this point it's just too late to save a building?

Another one of the 7 Awesome Habits of Highly Awesome People...

I eat my 4-5 servings of fruits/vegetables (but mostly vegetables because I'm extra awesome like that) Every DAY. If I keep this up I'll be ready for a repeat of the 1K I ran a while back. Remember that day? I was so special.

. . . . Best day of my life . . . .

Note the Rock Star in sunglasses who finished the race super fast, ran back to find me and re-ran the end of it just to give me support.


OK, maybe I stole the idea about the Vegetables Everyday from someone - but I'm sure they're fine with it because I think they stole it from the this place called the FDA.

Oh don't even tell me you haven't been waiting for this:

It all started with a shelf. . .



Which made this thing (AKA my bedroom) look sooooo good looking:



maybe you'd have to have seen my room before to get the true beauty of THIS one:




I mean, I don't want to brag but this is what happens when you read "7 Awesome Habits of Highly Awesome People"



you don't tell ME you don't like Mexican folk art/décor...

OK, maybe you don't but that just means you're racist.


OK, but here's the Real reason we're all friends:

Why yes, that IS a commemorative doll plate.
It's in honor of my Grammy - yeah, that's right, so you can take back all things you just thought.

And yes she is supposed to give you nightmares.

Seriously? It might be illegal to look this good...

It's a good thing the roads closed and we couldn't go to Canyons that day - we'd be lookin' so darn hot we'd get arrested.

Guys, look at all the Spirit Children I made. . .

My children come in all sizes and clothing persuasion.



Do you like my little one's hat?




Ok, fine, I didn't make them alone, I might have had help form this magical couple (they are SO good at baby making):

This is how I want my pets:

All gangsta like and stuff. And maybe even camouflage.

Hey guys, bet you didn't know I had a TV Show

Hola! Me llamo Ugly Betty.


Listen! I've been thinking about this for a while and I'm not trying to brag but I swear I'm Ugly Betty. I could make a list of all the obvious, smaller similarities - but here are the 2 most important: we're both clumsy and awkward but sort of blindly so (I rarely think I'm as awkward as I look or actually am).
Case in point:




AND we both have work friends from the UK, who work on the fashion side, who have a heart of gold. . .

... who can hold down their liquor, who we tell everything to, who makes coming to work a joy, and I swear my Girl could hold her own against Ricky Gervais Any day. Oh my gosh - am I even making sense anymore? I'm not, huh? Oh no - I'm not Ugly Betty, I'm Jerri Blank:

"I stole a TV."

Blah blah blah, i know some of you don't WATCH television, some of you are rolling your eyes at my cultural references, and some of you Only watch "Shameless" so these pedestrian examples are lost on you. [Note: "Shameless" is a really good show and if they showed it here that's all I'd watch too]

Highlights from New Years

This is who I spent New Year's with. . . It kind of reminded me of an episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."




Oh Come On! How perfect that they call an elevator a 'Lift' and that this Lift had a Family name on it. You can just see how excited we all were by this.





Since I'm American and I Love guns this is where I got to sleep. It wasn't far from the MacKenzie house.




In the UK, this is ART.

Can someone please explain this?

Right - so it starts off normal enough. Mich has an itchy hook on her dress she wants cut off so we borrow a pair a scissors and get to work at cutting her dress up...





I don't even remember falling or jumping or leaping or whatever the heck I'm doing. But aren't the British soooooo civilized? Even through this crazy, wild stunt of ours, the cup of tea remains unshaken and not fazed in the least by our American, uncouth behavior.

guess where I am?

OK - I'll give you awesome clues and whoever guesses correctly will get $1 (USD) or £1 (GBP) . . .or another prize to be determined by Me at a later date.



(oh come on! this is art - this is amazing stuff!)



(brother/sister duo? or something much much more complicated? i don't even know)

OK, let's talk about some really important things:

If you go to iTunes and write reviews on Ashley 1st I'll probably be the happiest shark-hater ever born. Think of it as the best Christmas present anyone could ever give to anyone ever (way better than anything you'd see on Gossip Girl).

I hope you guys don't read this silly blog and think: hey, this girl is OK, than meet me and think, "wha? this is NOTHING like the posts I read..." And THEN think: man, i don't like either of you. And vice-versa (IE: meet me, read this, than hate us both or even just hate us both right off the bat - although that seems more reasonalbe since I think we're actually the same person). And yes, I realize my punctuation is insonsistant - deal with it.

But on a lighter, happier note (I'm really not in a bad mood - it just seems that way when I write things when I'm annoyed and tired and grumpy). . . I wrote my new year's resolutions and all I can say is, this is IT - this is the big year we've all been waiting for... I'm going to teach myself to do the splits. [Note: this blog began when I told my sister about a friend's blog that would document her trying to do the splits - little by little everyday. My inspired sister suggested I create one that showed me NOT doing the splits little by little ...so now I'm just going to practice doing them privately everyday.]

And finally, Merry Christmas!

Guys, no babies for me. . .

. . .I just found out there's no more cuteness left in the world, thanks to this little lassy who stole it!


No point now, because I do NOT want a homely baby. No one likes 'em really - even if they pretend to - and I Know I won't be having no affable babies because I don't like people myself. [Note: if you have a gosh-awful ugly baby and it's got a really good personality, then all if forgiven and your baby might out-importance the cute kid down the street.] Darn it, I was really looking forwarding to procreating - guess I'll have to find something else to do with my time. . . snow shoe-ing anyone?

What? It's just barbeque sauce. . .

. . . C'Mon I wanna make out.






You know, I realize if you haven't seen "Wet Hot American Summer," than this precious little quote will be lost on you. But, I'm willing to take that chance. And if you've never heard of "Wet Hot..." and you judge it based on the name alone than you are an even greater fool than I once thought.

Hey guys, let's get nostalgic. . .

It was this time last year that Di and I went to help this guy at work:




Except he looked like this:

Whhaaaaat?! How could someone age like that in 1 year? Never mind, he did.



He's a teacher. He teaches cute kids like these (but actually this kid is cuter than normal kids).




These are the names of the kids he teaches. . .




We were probably the greatest helpers of all time:

(i can tell time)


(di can read too)



Highlights from his room:



. . .and i wonder if Mr. F. would get his feelings hurt when kids would use their $$$ for 2 or 3 books at a time from the library?




At first Di & I were surprised at how often Mr. F would raise his voice (I was genuinely scared of him at times) but at the end of the day I caught myself yelling, "get in your seat, you!" and "stop that right now, you!" (the names were too hard for me to learn). Who knew teaching could be so emotionally exhausting and sticky? Those kids were so gosh darn dirty, I think they wash their hands in syrup.