Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Amber Almighty

Only 3 Things can shut an NYC Street down & clear it devoid of ANY human existence like a tabula rosa wiped cleaner than any etcha sketch:
 
1. The President
2. A Natural Disaster
3. A movie filming a fake natural disaster
4. My Sister.
 
(pronounced seeester)
 
Case in Points #1 and #3, we've all seen on the tv.
 
Case in Point #2: Take a look at FDR Drive & Hurricane Sandy:
This is Franklin Delano Roosevelt in green:
(Yes, a popular outside-the-city-gridlock route connecting to major bridges (BQE, LIE))
Which on a typical rush hour day looks like this:
 
& on a normal day this:
 
But FDR Drive AFTER Hurricane Sandy looks like this:
(No Ukrainian Saxophone Players were hurt in this photo)
((That's just moy daragoy Mike being Mike))
 
No, it's not too late to donate to Hurricane Victims here.
 
 
WELL, Leave it to Amber to shut down Central Park Drive like she's Jay-Z and owns the town!
 
Aside: Most of you know CPW from the movie "Ghostbusters" as it is home to these famous towers:
 
It is also home to:
  • The Dakota (where John Lennon was shot, Yoko still owns a flat) 
  • Strawberry Fields (mosaic memorial),
  • Museum of Natural History,
  • The late Tavern on The Green,
  • Uno's Pizzeria,
  • Nouveau riche celebrity apts. that aren't blue blood enough to get approved by 5th Ave Co-ops, (hey, how do you think the Uno's stays in business?;)
just to give you a bevy of other reasons it is highly trafficked.
 
CPW on a typical day looks like this:
 
 
BUT~ WHEN AMBER DECIDES TO
 
SHUT
 
IT
 
DOWN
 
Like Hova on the 12th round of "Paris" for the Staples center
(or 3rd round if you caught him watchin the throne in Greensboro)
 
CPW looks like THIS:
 
"How did she do that?!" you wonder befuddled and mesmerized...
 
Easy:
Benevolence.
 
In typical Amber fashion, she decides to enter a race (not having a practiced 1 single day), and when she makes a promise to "meet /wait for our friend at the starting line"
it's a promise!!!!!!!
 
The gun went off @ 9am.
...
German tourists walk by, see our bib #s and wish us "Goot lahk today gurlz!" along with others.
...
.....30mins later Amber is still waiting w/ a dumbstruck, antsy, impatient kid sister at the starting line.
 
 
ONLY when the race staff starts to tear down the starting line does Amber relent~
"Ok, I guess we've waited long enough," and we started the Central Park 5k!
 
Ohhh, the comments that came outta those race staff workers as too little matching 70's outfits red ponies bright eyed, bushy tailed came trotting along fresh as the 9:30am sun...
 
"Sleep in today girls??"
 
"Somebody forget to set their alarm ladies?"
 
& my personal favorite:
 
"On your 2nd lap already?!"
 
It did not matter.
 
I had never begazed an entirely empty as Pluto lifeless- seriously, when are the zombies poppin out- Central Park West street before!
 
THIS must be what it's like to be a billionaire,
The President, or Jay-Z.
 
THIS is what it's like to run down one of the busiest streets, CPW, as our personal private track.
 
My sister is powerful.
 
All because of her kindness.
 
But that wasn't enough- NOW she wanted to actually catch people.
 
Warning: When Amber decides to do something- ain't no stopping it!
(cuidado johnny)
 
And catch people we did:
 
~THE PHOTO FINISH~
 
Oh, you thought i was kidding about the matching 70's red terrycloth shorts outfits?
 
(Again, did you NOT read the "Warning" about Amber once she decides to do something?!)
 
Wups, just noticed photo says "mini 10k," whatever, you get the point.
 
Ain't no stoppin this A-Train.
just ask Ella

Friday, November 2, 2012

Help those Hurt

On a serious note, we may not be able to post-pone the marathon (link here), but there is a
great concert & opportunity to donate
featuring: Bon Jovi, Christina & Springsteen

Thankfully, our friends are accounted for
(though some without power).
Spoke to my band + old recording studio...
they are safe but said "things are getting scary nearby."
Neighborhoods with no problems find their gas stations hoarded by new mobs of people.
 
Here's an account from a fellow musician that records at the same studio in Queens i did:
 
 "Chase bank looted and set afire by bandits with torches, looters dressed as con ed, national guard in the streets, loose dobermans and pitbulls, hulking trees downed all over atop cars and houses, power out all over, a sea of dead cars, no traffic lights, people without gas for generators and the cars they didn't lose. A boat on Crossbay Boulevard. The smell of burning wood. Garbage and rot and possessions piled high on every block. People carrying bats to ward off looters. People waiting for days in hopes of getting their basements pumped. People without clothes and food. 3 hour bus rides to get to Manhattan where there's so much of the city without power. Traffic guards, sirens, ambulances, police, medical examiners... and this is only Howard Beach which was Zone B. (Zone A was the highest at-risk area) I can't even imagine what Rockaway and Breezy Point look like."


Prayers + donations to all.

Rockaway, Queens (above).
 
Front Street, Stapleton, Staten Island
Rockaway, Queens again.
 Stay strong Ian.

 
(Still think it's a good idea to flaunt generators + extra water
at the Marathon Finish Line Bloomberg?)
(Or kick residents that just lost homes out of hotels for tourists visiting?)

Hope everyone  out there has a sis like Amber- you best believe that return Brazil missionary got us through the first NYC blackout- had me filling every pot in the house w/ water before the pumps stopped.


*********THIS JUST IN: Mayor Bloomberg reads this blog (click here)!********

Born With It


Let's face it.
 
Some of us looked like the Michelin Man when we were little...
 
&
 
then there's Amber. . .
 
 
 
Who looks more akin to the noble lineage of Farrah Fawcett
than any marshmallow descendant.

 
So where do you go from Farrah?
 
Oh you know, just other major royally famous + powerful women:
 
English Royalty:
 

Queen 'Ambie' Boleyn:
 
 
 
                       ... & some other poser:                      
                              

 

Hollywood Royalty:
 
 

  Sofia Coppola
 
& her doppelganger:





  .|` .|` 1 Little 2 Little Coppola Indians.. .|` .|`
 

(Yes Sophia, That is exactly HOW many people
have seen your movies that aren't "Marie Antoinette.")
((but i don't think Amber going 5 times counts))
 
(Yes Amber, we know you were "Karen O" to a handful of hipsters
in Greenwich Village, but to the rest of the world you were an Indian gypsy)
 
  
Elegant Jordan Royalty:
 
Queen Rania of Jordan:   


...and another Queen of the Collar Bones:
 
 
Uh oh,
did somebody grab a sash AND broach
 
just to compensate/keep up with Ambie's darling factor?
i  Pienso que si !
 
 
Poor Queen Rania~
don't be upset!
 
                ...Because Ambie even beats you at that look too:  
(What?! So what if I gave Amber's skin the La Toya treatment just
to match Rania's a little bit for this case in point)
 
So where does our birthday bride go from that 'genetically tough road' of growing up as the mirror images of such chic, classy women?
 
 
Oh, just the ultimate hybrid of them all:
 
 
That's what happens when you find your king.
 
Check.
Mate.


Thursday, November 1, 2012

Happy NovAMBER People~!

 
Have You Heard?!
 
This month is kinda a big deal . . .
 
Between this little girl having a birthday:
&
 
THIS:
 


 being taken OFF THE MARKET
 
(talk about HOT mergers + acquisitions-
no wonder the NYSE was closed for a couple days! ;)
((Oooo, Too sooooon?))
 
Well too bad - buckle your seatbelts kids,
Cuz this blog has officially been high-jacked
&
is comin' atcha like an Amber outta the gates:
 
Oh, you didn't know she raced @ Xterra World Championships in Maui?
 
Yeah...
There's a lot you don't know
but are about to find out!
 
Stay tuned.
 
(Why yes, that IS a TOTAL STRANGER dude that chimed in
at the end of our video
because just the sight of Amber prancing by inspires grown men to sing).

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Guys, this is Important Info about my Magic Man


Magic Man has awesome 80s Hair








And even better, he's always letting me style it any which way I want.
 




 Don't worry, I let him style my hair too.


 He really likes me in this look.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Guys, Sometimes I like to take a theme and run too far with it














 Not sure if Magic Man knew how far I took costumes and reenactments.  
Just wait 'til Halloween - he won't know what hit him.  But it'll be too late because the wedding will be a mere days away! Ha!
Then there's Thanksgiving (Native or Pilgrim this year?)
And Christmas (Elf or Mrs. Clause?)
And Martin Luther King Jr. Day