Guys, I am the worst

I know, I know you thought THIS LADY was the worst but really it's me.

My little Kitten

was sick and I didn't even know!

I didn't call

or check on the blog she writes (it's a secret 'cause she's underage)

or email her

during Any of it!

Hmmm, I know I've asked this before but am I allowed to post other peoples' kittens on the internet?


What if they are the cutest little kitten in the world?


Then can I?

What if the kitten can't talk?

Then for sure I can, right?
As soon as she tells me to take them down I will.

Meanwhile, while we wait for Kitten to sue me, WATCH THIS

Magic Land or The Gentleman's Sports Club

So when you hear 'Sportman's Warehouse' do you think of croquet and badminton?

Cause I do.

I think of sportman-ship and that's something Gentlemen have.

You probably don't think of THIS, right?

Cause I wouldn't have.

Anyway, I should have know when this Welcomed me to the store:

Hey what is that anyway?

Oh, a creepy man pointing a gun? Good.

I thought it was something menacing at first.

And what are those guns pointed at?

How bad-ace is this store when they are willing to shoot their own decor?

It's a blurry photo cause its trying to escape for its life.

OK so its not a gentlemanly store but they did have their own Archery department (that's classy right?)



And dancing kittens



And an homage to Prince

There was something very colonial-primitive about a layaway program for pistols

Hmmm, maybe not colonial - our founding fathers were all rich dudes.

Maybe it's more Andrew Jackson


And if anything is going to great me as I leave a store I want it to be this guy.

Guys, you know what kills me about this?

The fact that nothing we are doing is illegal or even questionable. In fact - considering where I was - it might have been weird if I didn't hold a gun in my hand. (More on that magical place tomorrow)

Don't worry - there were no bullets around.

I actually couldn't even release the thingie that makes it shoot.

Yeah, I can speak gun.

Guys, wanna know why I don't blog?

It's cause I stopped taking photos.

I can't even take credit for this gem but I know you assume I took it

Life is passing me by.

I looked down at my speed-stick thing on my car & it said this:

But that meant I missed watching it go from 99999 to 100000

And if you know how I am with numbers you know this is a big deal.

what's happening to me?

I know what it is -- I need to stop google imaging Bennifer 1.0 photos

and re-fall in love with my blog again.

You remember

Di and I would fight and you knew about it

Monkey and I would coordinate our outfits and you saw it

Mich and I would go somewhere far for no reason at all & tell everyone

And Stacey and I would do whatever it was that we did

Even if you didn't want to see us do Rock Band - I videoed it & you saw it

Well - I might have kept that one private.

There was so much ice-skating! My gosh! All that ice!

And in honor of Arrested Development I always tried to blend in

That's it - I'm going to more theme-d parties if its the last thing I do

- if not for myself - then at least for this blog

And don't tell me it's cause al these things happened in NY.

Well if you did I would see your point.

But listen - I am going to do the same on the Best Coast.

Starting NOW

Tayebi Sisters + 1 Husband + Downtown + Conversation with Tina Fey + Steve Martin + Eating at 11PM.

BOOM!

Guys, its like no big deal now

Except that it is

OK, fine! I'll blog one more time

Guys, my new schedule is preventing me from doing important things like blog about myself.

Which is crazy cause I need to tell you about the time I followed a yellow brick road . . .


Yes, a psychedelic yellow brick road with my trusty smart phone and favorite bag

And there were poppies!

So many poppies

In two different indoor spaces

I wanted to lie down and take a nap

But alas, no time cause I had to celebrate this Kitten-Monkey's birthday

And in honor of her - I wore wild-cat-themed outfits all weekend

And play cat-themed games

Oh, you thought I was in Oz?

Oh no, we were here:

(don't look too close, mom)

The land of Performance Artists, of course

And old friends

And Mormons

[Ok, but seriously, how hot is Marie Osmond?!

You thought I was going to say Donny,

but come on! that goes without saying.]

Before. . .wondering if the elaborate poster will live up to its hype

After . . . and guess what - it was even better than you could ever imagine

There was seriously so much Art I kept asking, 'what am i in Paris?'

To which the answer was always 'Yes, yes you are.'

And furniture! I had to beg mom to not steal this scrabble-themed table.

I'm surprised (relieved) she didn't take it apart to play a few games.

And did I mention I wore my Blue Suede Shoes

in honor of Elvis and by Elvis I mean You.

NOTE: Although wearing your special hat from France seems like a good idea for a formal night on the town, it's not so great in this city because you will get meowed at by drunk and not so drunk people. Although Donny did grab my ears when he jumped on our table (after he high-fived Monkey and shook my hand) which was thrilling enough to be worth it.

Hey, did you ever see that movie The Hangover?

Me neither

but I think this is what it would have looked like:

Happy Birthday Monkey Sister!

Sorry I didn't devote the whole month to you like I normally do.

But its OK, cause turning 30 is no biggie, right?

And guys, when I say 'essentail' what i mean is 'essenTail'

Guys, I'm not being vulgar - these are all essentail

Guys, it's time for Interpretive Dances!

This is one is called 'The Daddy Mac will make you . . .'

Oh yes, here is the popular dance, 'Kickin' It Old School' or 'Wasn't Me She Was Foolin Cause SHE Knew What She Was Doin When She Told Me How To Walk This Way'

This one was entitled '80s Aerobic -- You CAN Fly!'

shake it little momma lemme see you do the Jane Fonda

And finally 'The Golden Girls.'

This was an especially challenging piece,

as Bek had to be the aging but young and sexy at heart Blanche

and I was Sofia, of course.

As you can see I am a huge fan of the brilliant radio station KDAY 93.5